Stem Cells Cure Homos
If we are so right, how could we be
To: Right to Life Strategy Team Members
From: Strategic Coordinator
Subject: Stem Cell Research Could Lead to a Cure for Homosexuality
A rumor has been floating around that stem cell research could lead to a cure for homosexuality. It is nothing more than that, a rumor. We all know that homosexuality can only be cured with religious intervention, prayer, and monitored behavior modification.
While many of you had no problem towing the party line to prevent any stem cell research no matter how many people with Parkinson's disease, spinal cord injuries, or Alzheimer's may call for relief, the possibilities of curing one of nature's worse abominations was just too much to resist. How could anyone with righteous indignation not be tempted to support a way to return these sinners to the path of God – especially when many of them do not even want to be cured?
If God intended for homos to be cured by stem cells, He would have done it when the homos were stem cells themselves. This is just another ploy by Godless liberals to undermine our purpose and cause. Liberals are too smart and know-it-alls for their own good. They can neither plan nor organize, but every now and then, they do stumble over a good idea, politically. And this rumor is a case in point, so pay no heed to this rumor or the hope it portends.
Plan the work and work the plan. Keep you eyes focus on our ultimate goal. The saving of all those frozen embryos is part of our long range plan. The rumor that they eventually destroy those frozen embryos is no truer than the one about finding no WMD’s in Iraq. Keep you faith in our own “Dear Leader.”
Our brother in good faith, President Bush, has taken the steps necessary to save all the frozen embryos by vetoing the latest ploy of those that would undermine our moral fiber. Today, we save embryos, tomorrow, we save every egg and sperm. If the joining of egg and sperm creates an entity and individual with all the constitutional rights of the born, then the egg and sperm should have at least half those rights. We must work to preserve them all.
We can harvest the eggs from our daughters and milk our sons so they will not waste their precious body fluids in self abuse. The gathered eggs and sperm can be retained, preserved, and later joined to create life in a way that does not involve any nasty sexual acts.
We are diligently working on the artificial womb so that every fertilized egg will have a home. And of course, we needn’t unhook them from the machines, at the end of gestation. Why awaken them, they can do God’s work in their induced sleep, never coming to so they can go their sinful ways. We are working to keep the old and infirm hooked to machines even when they and their family wish them disconnected. We fought the good fight for Terri’s soul. The unborn and those who would die a natural death are the first we will hook up to the machines.
Our campaign to blame the Matrix on artificial intelligence is working. The movie by the same name was a great stroke of luck. Little does the public realize that hooking up the entire human race in pods of goo to insure no one on Earth is a sinner except in thought is our one and only master long-tem plan. Earth will have a clean slate just as we know that is what God wants of us.
So, pay no heed to rumors that stem cells will cure homos. Temping as the idea of curing gays may be, it is nothing more than an idealistic dream. Remember, those that will tell you that stem cells will cure diseases or make it possible for the lame to walk, are the same ones that support the teaching of evolution. Besides, we can not risk our long term plan of loading everyone into the Matrix.